The One With the Fire
by undercoverofdarkness87
Summary: In which Emma compares Regina to Hook and Regina tries not to set Granny's on fire. SQ
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Once Upon a Time or any of the characters (obviously) but that doesn't mean I can't put them in some awkward situations. This takes place about 8 months after the 4b finale. Also of note: I thought it was weird that in the show the Enchanted Forest ran on the same calendar as our "realm" so I changed that. It'll make sense when you read it. Enjoy :)

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"You and Killian are alot alike."

Regina looked up from the salad she'd been absentmindedly stabbing and locked eyes with the blonde sitting across from her. If she were being truthful she'd admit to not really enjoying her salad. She'd also admit to being envious of the aforementioned blonde's grilled cheese, and if were being really honest, she'd admit to wanting more from Emma than just her sandwich. She wanted a relationship with her. Love. A future.

However, today was not the day for honesty. Today, like any other day, was about repressing feelings and being content with a friendship forged by and in spite of: curses, custody battles, Wicked Witch half-sisters, etc. This moment? This moment was about not killing the woman she : not killing the woman she was very good friends with for comparing her with a walking stick of eyeliner.

"and just how did you come to that conclusion?" Regina inquired, while trying to rein in the anger that threatened to escape her palms in literal balls of rage and fire.

Emma tapped her chin in thought.

"Well you both have less than stellar pasts you're trying to overcome," she said holding out an index finger to indicate the first item on her list.

Regina rolled her eyes and snorted in derision. This was going to be a long and unpleasant lunch.

"Two. You both wear alot of black," Emma stated simply.  
"Whats up with that anyway? Is that like a villain thing? Were you and Killian the goths of the Enchanted forest? Did the Enchanted Forest have goths?" she asked, voiced laced with humor.

Regina let out an exasperated sigh. She was trying to be patient. She was trying to be good, but Emma was testing her and fire was so easy to conjure...

Emma, who had taken note of the other woman's frustration, cocked her head to the side and offered her her biggest smile. Suddenly, Regina was putty. She forgot who she was, where she was, and why she was, and despite everything, found herself smiling back. Damn Emma Swan!

"I know thats not my best material, but it made you smile. I'm also a Charming so you can't expect much," Emma said self-deprecatingly. She then looked down at her plate and paused, as if to reconsider her next words, and timidly added "By the way, you should do that more often."

"Do what more often?" Regina asked curiously.

"Smile. You look pretty when you smile," Emma answered and she quickly went back to devouring her meal as her words floated in the air above them.

They fell into a comfortable silence as Regina stared at the other woman with open wonder and adoration. Earlier in their relationship, ruining Emma's life had been Regina's top priority. If she crashed into the "welcome to Storybrooke" sign after having the cider Regina gave her, well that was just a result of her own poor judgement. If the brakes on her car went out? Well that was an unfortunate consequence of driving an older vehicle, but now? Regina could't imagine a life without Emma in it and she hated that. She hated needing someone that much. She used to be the Evil Queen. She used to conquer entire realms and rule them with an iron first. Now she sat in diners and pined after beautiful, unattainable blondes named Emma Swan. She tried to frown. Tried to scowl, but it was ridiculous smile was seemingly pasted onto her face; perhaps permanently.

Emma abruptly stopped eating and looked at Regina quizzically.

"What was I saying before?" she said and looked around the Diner as if it would provide her with the answer.

"Oh, yeah!" she exclaimed in excitement. "You and Killian are alot alike."

Just like that Regina's smile was replaced by the frown that, moments earlier, had been so difficult for her to conjure.

"Not this again," Regina protested. "That ridiculous pirate and I have nothing in common."

"You're both stubborn," she said fully expecting Regina to challenge her.

"I am not stubborn!" Regina said taking the bait. "I merely feel the need to defend myself against baseless accusations. That is not being stubborn. That is human nature. You would do the-" Thats when Regina stopped talking. She realized she had fallen headlong into the trap that Emma laid for her and of course Emma was wearing that cocky yet incredibly attractive smirk that Regina hated. She hated it so much she wanted to kiss it right off of her face until Emma apologized for  
her arrogance.

"So what were you saying about not being stubborn, Madame Mayor?" Emma challenged with a raised eyebrow.

And thats what Regina really loved about their relationship. Like the ocean's tides, they constantly pushed and pulled at one another. They argued and fought, sometimes to the point of exhaustion, but like fire refines gold, they refined each other.

"You shouldn't be so smug, Sheriff. Its unbecoming," Regina lied, because if she was being honest, and she was going out of her way not to do that today, she would admit that Emma's arrogance was a complete turn-on. It was such a turn-on that when Emma first came to town Regina would purposefully seek ways to bring out that particular trait. She would assign unholy amounts of paperwork, make ridiculous rules, and be an overall raging bitch in hopes that Emma would defy her, because a defiant Emma was a confident Emma, and a confident Emma was incredibly sexy.

"Coffee refill? Helloooo, earth to Regina," Ruby interrupted as she waved her hand in front of Regina's face.

"Miss Lucas! Didn't you ever learn that its rude to stick your hands in someone's face?" Regina reprimanded.

"Didn't you ever learn that its rude to ignore your waitress when she's trying to provide you with top-notch customer service?" Ruby sassed back.

"She was probably just thinking of more ways to kill me," Emma chimed in. "I'm pretty sure she's got a running list going. It's at least 30 items deep."

Regina had to try not to laugh at that statement, because she did have an ongoing list of things she wanted to do to Emma, none of which were violent, all of which were sexual. Actually, now that she thought about it a few items could be considered violent. Well, not really violent, just a little rough in nature, but no more than what Emma could handle or would consent to...

"No, Emma.I don't think thats true." Ruby said as she smiled at Regina knowingly. She did, after all, know about Regina's feelings. She was a werewolf and her senses were always kicking into overdrive. She could hear the way Regina's heart would speed up whenever the blonde was near her and the way Regina would actively work to bring it down to a reasonable heart rate. Aside from all that she was also not an idiot, and though Regina was somewhat good at masking her emotions, and could hide them behind sarcasm and biting words, the way she lovingly stared at Emma when she thought she wasn't looking gave her away. The woman conquered entire kingdoms, but didn't know how to conduct herself around a pretty girl, and Ruby thought that was beyond adorable. It almost made Regina less scary... Like a cat dressed in a shark costume...except that this cat killed entire villages of people...

"For the record, I do not generally harbor a desire to kill you, Emma. I even enjoy your company from time to time," Regina began.

"Actually, I think its a little more than time to time," Ruby interrupted. She knew she was pushing it but she also knew that Emma and Regina needed a little push. Regina was going to stay silent about her feelings and Emma was going to continue to be oblivious, because Emma was relatively intelligent, but interpersonal relationships were not her thing. Something had to give.

"You guys have lunch here, sans Henry, twice a week," she stated matter of factly. "Regina knows your order and sometimes gets it for you if you're running late. Sometimes, she even pays for both your meals."

"Actually, now that you mention it..." Emma chimed in. "Regina brings me coffee at the station, she's been teaching me magic, and she even helped me put together a slideshow for that counsel meeting last week."

It was an impressive slideshow complete with Storybrooke's most recent incidents of crime, mainly Lost Boys who had discovered the wonders of graffiti art, and several eye-catching pie graphs.

"So putting all of these pieces of evidence together," Emma continued. "I'd say that Regina considers me a friend."

"Or more," Ruby interjected. Surely Regina would kill her for her boldness, but at least she'd die happy with the knowledge that she played a small part in making true love happen for Henry's mothers. It was the least she could do.

"Miss Lucas!" Regina reprimanded. "Don't you have a fire hydrant to attend to or a cat to chase? "

"Actually, I don't, but I do have some other customers I need to check on before I clock out. Enjoy your meal, ladies" she said and hastily took her leave.

Regina had murder in her eyes.

"She's lucky I don't report her to animal control," she said through gritted teeth as she continued to stab at her salad.

"Hey," Emma said placing her hand on top of Regina's free one. "Don't get mad at her for telling the truth."

"And what truth is that?" Regina inquired while fighting the blush that threatened to overtake her cheeks.

Emma looked at her seriously. She even stopped eating. Regina always knew something was serious if Emma stopped eating.

"That you like me," she stated simply.

Regina was completely taken aback. If Emma already knew, now was as good a time as any to come clean about her feelings. She took a deep breath and opened her mouth to form words but nothing came out; just silence. She was about to go for a second attempt but noticed that Emma was still talking. Her brows were furrowed and her chin was set in that way it only did when she was thinking too hard.

"That you want me around more then you'd care to admit to," Emma continued nervously.

Regina was on the edge of her seat. Was this the moment she had been waiting for? The moment when Emma would stop settling for the mediocre relationship she was involved in and open herself up to something that, though difficult at times, had the potential to be true love?

"That...that despite everything thats happened between us, we are friends, maybe even best friends," she said as she made eye contact with Regina, having finally found her courage. "and theres nothing wrong or embarrassing about that. No point in pretending to be less than what we are. Right Regina?"she asked hopefully.

Regina hung her head in disappointment. How could she be so foolish as to think that Emma shared her feelings? How could The Savior love the Evil Queen?

"No. Not at all. No point in pretending to be less then what we are," she repeated regretfully.

"So its settled then? We're BFFs!" Emma joked. "Maybe we should get matching t-shirts."

She continued to go on about how excited she was at this latest development in their relationship, but Regina didn't hear her. She was too busy mulling over the rather important conversation they just had, the gist of which being that Emma wanted them to be friends. Just. Friends. Regina valued their friendship. It was the first real one either woman had had in a long time, but she wanted more, and knowing that Emma didn't feel the same way absolutely gutted her.

"Could you please excuse me?" Regina interrupted. "I have to use the ladies room."

"Of course," Emma allowed. though she was somewhat confused by Regina's sudden change in behavior.

Regina made her way to the restroom as quickly as her legs could take her there. She had to get away from that table. She had to get away from Emma. She locked the door behind her and leaned against it for support as tears made their way down her cheeks.

She didn't know how she had gotten to this point in her life. How she had gotten to the point of loving someone so completely and so pathetically. She was angry at Emma. Angry at her for being so oblivious and self-absorbed. Angry at her for ruining her life so thoroughly, but what made her even angrier, was that she couldn't be completely angry at Emma, at least not for any real length of time. She loved her too much, because despite Emma's obliviousness, she had some rather good qualities. She consistently risked herself; sometimes her reputation, and in several cases her very life, for Regina. She was the first person since Daniel to be in Regina's corner. She believed in her, even when it didn't make sense, and for that Regina was eternally grateful.

Yes, the love she had for the blonde greatly outweighed any feelings of ill will she had towards her, and though it would hurt Regina to do so, she would put aside her own hurt feelings and be the friend Emma needed her to be. She would listen to Emma's terrible mixtapes, have Sunday dinners with the Un-Charmings, and smile her way through Emma's karaoke version of "Hit Me Baby One More Time, because thats what good friends did for each other.

With new resolve, Regina walked over to the bathroom mirror and set up about making herself look more presentable. At the moment, her biggest problem was the eye-liner that had mixed with her tears and created unsightly black streaks that ran vertically down her cheeks. Grabbing some make-up removing wipes from her purse, she wiped away the eye-liner disaster, and began to recite a mantra that had gotten her through many trying times in the Enchanted Forest.

"You are a queen. Queens do not pout. They do not cry. They do not feel weakness."

She fished her eye-liner from her purse, removed the top, and began re-applying.

"Queens are strong. They take. They rule. They conquer."

She looked in the mirror and nodded her head in approval. All traces of crying had been erased and she looked like her usual put together self.

"You are a queen," she repeated to herself and made her way back to the table with her head held high.

"Hey, you're back,"Emma observed. "I was beginning to think you skipped out on me."

"Of course not," Regina responded. "Is that another grilled cheese on your plate?"

"Yeah, it is. I got kind of hungry while you were gone," she said sheepishly. "But, and you'll be very proud of me for doing this, I classed it up with some gouda instead of American."

Emma looked so proud of herself. It reminded Regina of when Henry was a child, and he would shower her with art projects he made at school. He couldn't color inside the lines and every person (and animal, namely birds because he had Snow White for a teacher) he drew were stick figures, but he had created those projects with the idea that he was going to give them to Regina and that they would make her happy, and they did. She would oo and ah at his artistic ability and he would give her a shy, lopsided grin, almost identical to the one currently worn by his birth mother.

"Well done, ."

"Thank you," Emma said with a smile. "You wanna try it?"

"You expect me to eat that?" Regina protested with faux disgust.

"Oh, come on Regina!" Emma wined like a petulant child.

"I refuse to put that trash into my body!"

"Its not trash. Its food!"

"Thats debatable"

Emma cut her sandwich into two diagonal triangles, the cheese oozing perfectly from the sides. She lifted the sandwich and slowly brought it to Regina's lips.

"You know you want it," she said in a sing-song voice.

They held each other's gaze, silently daring the other to be the first to surrender. This was a battle of wills, and Regina loved a good battle.

"I most certainly do not," Regina said defiantly.

"Don't be so difficult."

"I'm not being difficult. I simply do not want to eat that greasy abomination."

"Look Regina. I know you want to eat it." Emma said and then took a long torturous pause. "You know you want to eat it..."

Regina, unconsciously licked her lips in agreement, because she certainly did. She thought about it quite often. Surely this wasn't about the grilled cheese anymore. This had to be some sort of double entendre. Sure it was a little sophomoric for her tastes, but beggars couldn't be choosers...

"So... Just open your mouth" she said as her eyes traveled down to Regina's lips. "And eat it."

And just like that the battle was over, because who was she to refuse such a request. Sure it wasn't said in the exact context she desired, but it was a small step. Rome wasn't built in a day. Today: gouda grilled cheese sandwiches. Tomorrow (or some time in the near future, fingers crossed): Emma Swan.

She opened her mouth and allowed Emma to fill it with the cheesy substance. It was warm and delicious, so delicious in fact, that Regina forgot where she was and who she was with, and let out a deep moan of pleasure. Her eyes closed and her head tilted back from the sheer ecstasy she was experiencing. She desperately clung to the table, her nails digging into the cloth. It was all she could do to keep from becoming completely undone.

Emma, for her part, didn't know what to make of the scene before her. Taking into account all the times Regina reprimanded her for her eating habits, it was amusing to see her have such an extreme reaction to a grilled cheese sandwich. At the same time, watching Regina's tongue glide across her lips, hearing her moan in appreciation, well it did something to her and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to taste those lips and make them scream out her name or imagine what it would feel like to have those nails savagely rake across the expanse of her back.

Emma shook her head. This was Henry's other mother! The woman who had made her first few months in Storybrooke impossible. The woman who was partially responsible for her terrible childhood, yet none of that mattered anymore, because Regina was different now. She fought her demons daily, and despite their difficulty, always defeated them. It was beautiful to watch. She was beautiful to watch.

So Emma watched her and wished for something she couldn't have. She was, after all, in a relationship with Killian, and though he wasn't everything she had hoped for, he was far kinder to her then some of her previous lovers. She had been lied to, cheated on, and verbally abused. Neal framed her for a crime she didn't commit and essentially forced her to have a child in prison, so this relationship didn't seem so bad comparatively. Sure, he drank too much and smelled kind of funky sometimes, but he looked out for her and supported her in all her endeavors. He even went on the occasional tampon run. Maybe that was enough. Maybe love wasn't all romance and "I will always find you." Maybe it was a few bottles of rum and "I gave up my ship for you." That was romantic right? Not that she loved being equated with a ship but what could you expect from a really old pirate?

Emma laughed at that because this was her life now. Her mom and dad were Snow White and Prince Charming, her boyfriend was a pirate, and the woman she was currently lusting after was The Evil Queen, well used to be The Evil Queen. These days she occupied her time with small town politics, taking care of their son, and eating grilled cheese sandwiches in an overly sexual manner. Emma licked her lips. God, could that woman go to town on a sandwich! God did she want to be that sandwich!

She didn't even bother to try and hide her appreciation for what was happening in front of her. No point in fighting the inevitable right? She was willing to just go with the flow and-

"Ahem"

What was that sound? Emma wondered.

"Ahem."

Emma ignored the sound and continued to stare at Regina lustily.

"Emma!" Snow shrieked in exasperation.

That finally broke Emma from the "spell" she seemed to be in.

"Mom!" Emma exclaimed in horror. Her voice had gone up about two octaves, her cheeks were red as a tomato, and she looked like she had been caught with her pants down, or her skirt up. Snow didn't know which, and it didn't matter because, thats basically what happened. She had basically just witnessed porn. Granted, she'd never seen porn, she was Snow White after all and had a reputation to maintain, but she imagined it probably looked something like this.

"Mom. I... uh... I was just..." Emma continued to stutter along for a few more seconds until she realized there was no heterosexual explanation for what had just happened and gave up on trying to come up with one altogether.

"Feeding Regina?" Snow finished, her tone laced with accusation. She really didn't mind whatever it was that was developing between the two woman, she even welcomed it. What bothered her was the continued denial on both their parts. Neither woman would admit to, or in Emma's case, accept the feelings they had for one another, so everyone had to suffer. Everyone had to bear witness to the the dopey looks, the longing looks, the loving looks, the lusty looks, and the various other looks they constantly gave each other. Everyone had to tolerate the pathetic excuses they would invent to be near one another. "Oh Henry left his video game at Regina's and he can't possibly go a few hours without playing it. Better go get it" and "Oh, Emma doesn't know how to properly fill out a police report even though she's done it a thousand times without my help. Better head over to the station and spend the next few hours of my life teaching her how to do it while hiking up my skirt and sitting on her desk wantonly." David had walked in on them like this on several occasions and expressed some concern about Regina's "influence" on their daughter. Something about her potentially defiling Emma's "womanly honor." Snow, however, did not share his concern. Prior to the curse breaking, she was Emma's roommate and closest confidante, and as such was privy to many of Emma's tales of sexual adventures and misadventures. So, she knew for a fact that Emma's "womanly honor" was "defiled" a long time ago and if it wasn't it would've been thanks to the display Regina had just made.

"She was hungry?" Emma tried again.

"By the looks of it I'd say she was thirsty as well," She said and looked at Regina pointedly. Regina had enough good sense to look embarrassed by her present circumstance and Snow reveled in it. It wasn't often that she got to one up the other woman so when she did it felt akin to winning the lottery. "Regina, maybe you would like some cold water to help with that issue."

"Perhaps," Regina answered sheepishly and went off to find Granny about getting her some water and possibly something a little stronger.

"Now Emma. Your father's birthday is coming up..."

"Right. How does that work anyway?" she interrupted. "because I'm pretty sure you guys had a different calendar in the Enchanted Forest. Did you all just pick a random birth date once the curse broke? Like April 25th? Because it's not too hot, not too cold, and all you need is a light jacket?"

They both laughed at the Miss Congeniality reference. As roommates it had been one of their favorite movies to watch together.

"Regina gave us fake birthdays during the curse. Once you broke it and got our memories back some people chose to continue to celebrate the fake birthdays. Others chose to pick a random day, but either way you look at it we all have fake birthdays in one way or another. Its just a matter of whether we chose them or someone chose for us."

"And what did you and dad choose?" Emma asked seriously.

Snow let out a deep breath. It was never easy for her to talk about the curse; partially because of what Regina had done, but more so because of what she had done. She had sent baby Emma to essentially fend for herself in an unknown world. It was beyond irresponsible and not a day went by when she wished she had chosen differently.

"Well I chose my Enchanted Forest birthday, because I'm a bit of a rebel," she answered with a mischievous grin. "and your dad actually goes by his cursed birthday."

"Why?"Emma asked simply.

Snow wasn't 100% sure but she had a rather good guess. "Mostly laziness. It was difficult enough having two lives running through his head. Two birthdays would've been too much for him to handle so I think he just went with the most recent one."

They shared a laugh because David was many things: kind, caring, loyal, brave... but smart and detail-oriented? Not so much.

"He's also taken a liking to this new world," Snow continued. "Indoor plumbing, sports, trucks...Believe it or not I think he's just a little bit grateful to Regina for those aspects of the curse."

"I could imagine. The Enchanted Forest was rough," Emma said as she drowned her fries in more ketchup.

"Emma." Snow said and grabbed both of her hands. She needed her full attention for this next part of her speech and she knew that would be impossible if Emma was shoveling food into her face. She was very similar to David in that way.

"You know your dad had some trouble with Regina in the past. We both did, but things are different now. Yes, he still has some apprehensions about her, but for the most part he really respects her and admires the person she's become." Snow said this with a bit of apprehension. Emma was like a stray cat and if you approached her too quickly or confronted her without enough warning she would run off.

Emma scrunched her nose in that cute way she did when she was confused.  
"Why are you telling me this?" she asked. "I don't understand."

Snow, initially brought it up because she knew that if Emma ever decided to take her relationship with Regina to the next level, it would mean alot to have her parents approval. She also knew what Emma looked like when she was getting ready to run, and judging by the way she was uneasily shifting around in her seat and the way her eyes were darting around the room, Snow would say she was about to run.

"No reason," she said and shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly.

Emma threw up her hands in frustration.

"Superpower remember? and even if I didn't have my superpower you still couldn't fool me cause your a terrible liar," she said with just the tiniest bit of resentment in her voice. If there was one thing Emma hated, it was being lied to.

Snow had to hand it to her. She was a terrible liar.

"I might be," she conceded. "but you're not ready to hear the truth yet."

"Have you seen my life?" Emma questioned with a wild look in her eye. "Its been shit but I survived it. You think I can't handle a simple conversation?"

Snow took another deep breath because she knew this was going to be difficult, but if Emma wanted the truth she was going to give it to her, in short manageable teaspoons of course.

"Emma, sweetie. You are a survivor. You are resourceful and tough as nails and I am so proud of you for it, but this conversation isn't about strength. Its about acceptance and there are some things about your relationship with Regina that you have not been honest with yourself about."

Snow paused and looked at her daughter; really looked at her. Emma looked like she was on the verge of falling apart. Like the walls she had so carefully crafted around her heart had been taken down by nothing more than a soft summer's breeze.

"Do you want me to keep going?" Snow asked softly.

"No," Emma answered without hesitation. "You were right. I'm not ready for this conversation."

She dropped her head in defeat. Emma Swan: former thief and bail bondsman, current sheriff and "Savior" of Storybrooke, was beaten by none other than her mother, Snow White, and a conversation about feelings.

Sensing her daughter's distress, Snow placed a reassuring hand beneath her chin and raised it. Emma's eyes, uncertain as they were, met hers.

"Don't feel bad or ashamed," Snow said encouragingly. "You might not be ready for this tomorrow, or next week, or even a few months down the line, but eventually you will be and when you are, just know that me and your father love you and support you know matter what you choose or who you choose."

Emma had to fight the impending water works she knew were about to come spewing out of her eyes. This was all she had ever wanted. A mom and a dad that loved her unconditionally. A mom and a dad that loved her even when she was cranky or had a bad attitude or was attracted to other woman. She didn't have that in the past. She was once kicked out of a foster home because her parents caught her kissing the girl next door. It was mostly innocent pre-teen stuff but it was enough for them to send her packing. Unfortunately for them, and Emma to some extent, they couldn't very well send Emma back because they "couldn't fix the gay," so they fed the social worker some bs about how she had "stolen" their belongings along with a slew of other false charges, and off she went.

"Emma are you crying?" Snow asked in disbelief, because really, how often did that happen?

"No." Emma responded, quickly wiping away a stray tear. "Theres just a little something in my eye. Maybe an eyelash" she said and proceeded to pull on her lower lid as if to offer evidence. "Take a peek. Do you see anything in there?"

Snow knew there was nothing in there. Emma was just trying to save face, but she was willing to play along. She leaned forward as if to get a closer look.

"No I don't see anything. Maybe the air is dry or something."

"Yeah maybe." Emma said letting go of her lid.

It was at this time that Regina finally returned to the table, glass of water in hand. She immediately took note of Emma's puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks. Snow White had been in Emma's presence for less than eight minutes and somehow, within that minute timeframe, managed to reduce Emma to tears. Regina was ready to rage, but she knew she had to remain calm. This could be her future mother-in-law, and while Regina abhorred potentially being related to Snow in any way, she knew that getting on her good side was paramount. She also didn't hate Snow anymore. She actually kind of liked her, depending on the day, depending on her mood.

"Emma are you crying?" Regina asked with concern.

"No. No. Of course not." She lied. "Just got something in my eye, but its all gone now. So theres no need to worry."

"Well," Snow said getting up. "I should probably leave you two to it." She knew when she was being a third wheel. She also didn't want to stick around for the next bit of pornography that she was sure would be taking place soon.

Emma lightly grabbed her wrist to stop her from leaving

"Wait. You never finished what you were saying about Dad's birthday."

"Oh. That" Snow said and waved a dismissive hand in the air. "I was going to ask you to help me plan it, but I think you've got your hands full right now." She said with a wink. "Now be a dear and give your old momma a hug." Emma rolled her eyes but, stood up, and obliged her nonetheless. They stayed that way for quite some time, both mother and daughter sensing that they should part, but neither of them wanting to. "I love you so much, Emma."

"I love you too, Mom" she returned. A lone tear made its way down her cheek but this time she did nothing to hide the evidence.

"I should probably get going," Snow said, finally breaking the hug. She turned to acknowledge the other woman, who had been awkwardly inspecting her nails, during their public display of affection. "It was nice seeing you Regina. Enjoy your meal."

"Thank you Snow. Enjoy your... well whatever it is that you're going to do. Probably teach the virtues of love and hope to Storybrooke's bird population." Regina said sarcastically.

"For the record. You don't have to teach that to birds. Its innate. They are very noble creatures," Snow defended with a laugh. She started towards the door. "I'm leaving now. Don't try to stop me."

"I would never dream of it." Regina said with a sly smile.

She looked over and noticed that Emma was staring at her with a strange sort of grin that she couldn't identify. "What are you looking at Swan?"

Emma looked down at her root beer and slowly swirled the straw around as if to buy time, and though Regina was not feeling particularly patient today, she waited for what the blonde would say next. She knew Emma and she knew that Emma struggled with words, not because she was an idiot, but because she often had so many feelings swirling within in her at one time that it was difficult to parse through them, let alone speak those words out loud. Regina understood because she was the same way, so she stayed quiet and waited for Emma to say what she needed to say.

Several long, agonizing moments passed before Emma finally looked up from her drink. She pushed her long golden locks from her face and gave Regina a shy smile.

"Is this what happiness feels like?" Emma asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Regina's heart broke for her then, because that one, tiny question was packed with so many implications. It was said with such reverence and fear, almost as if Emma believed that the small bit of happiness she had managed to find in this world would be taken away from her by merely acknowledging it, and why wouldn't she believe that? Over, and over again fate had conspired against her. It lied to her, manipulated her. It took away her family and first love. Why should she trust it? Yet there she was. She shone through the darkness like a lighthouse of hope. No matter how high the waters rose, or how strongly the winds blew, she would always stand strong and shine her light to guide the arriving ships home. Regina had to mentally roll her eyes at that one because Emma was dating a pirate, and while she was always a bit vexed by their sorry excuse for a relationship, it all suddenly made sense. Emma was his light. Emma was his home. That was priceless for someone who had spent hundreds of years seeking it. Regina could understand that. She had after all, unknowingly, been doing the same thing. She recalled a conversation she once shared with Hook on the way to Neverland about happy endings. She had asked him if he believed that villains could get one and he responded by saying that he hoped so, otherwise they had "wasted their lives." Not long after, he had found his with Emma, unfortunately so had Regina, the major difference being that he was actually with her. He got to hold her her. He got to kiss her. He got to take her home while Regina sat on the sidelines and wondered what it would be like to do any of those things. Fate really was a bitch, well to her at least, but this wasn't about her. It was about Emma and her happiness which was now apparently within arms reach.

"I suppose that would depend on your definition of happiness. What is your definition of happiness, Ms. Swan?" Regina asked, almost afraid to hear the answer, because she was sure that she was about to hear Hook's name somewhere in there and if she did, she couldn't guarantee that Granny's wouldn't go up in flames.

"I don't think I've ever let myself imagine what happiness would be like," Emma said with a shake of her head. "I would always try to get closer to Tallahassee, but no matter what I did it would just get further away from me, but this," she said meeting Regina's eyes. "My family: mom, dad, Henry...you... This feels close to it."

Emma's eyes went wide. She hadn't meant to say all that. She really hadn't, but the words came tumbling out of her mouth before she had enough time to put them back in, and damn it if they didn't sound romantic. She didn't mean for them to, but then again, she did? She wasn't sure anymore. She felt something for Regina, she couldn't deny that, but a family? It was significantly more then she had ever even imagined with Killian, and she was dating him! There he was: loving her, supporting her, giving up ships for her, defending her and here she was, being emotionally unstable, emotionally unavailable, and emotionally unfaithful. She had to be the worst girlfriend ever, possibly in the history of the world. She needed to fix this before Regina noticed her slip-up, because if she didn't she was sure she'd never hear the end of it from her former nemesis. It would go something like "silly Ms. Swan. I could never love you." Actually, that was a little too Evil Queen for the current Regina. Current Regina, would probably let her down easy. She'd be all soft eyes and sorry smiles and say something like "I appreciate everything you've done for me, but I don't feel the same way you do," and then the real clincher "I hope we can remain close friends and continue to co-parent Henry." She really needed to fix this. She needed to not have feelings for Regina. She needed to focus on Killian.

"Killian is involved in that too," Emma managed to choke out. She immediately felt her stomach clench at the obvious lie. Damn that superpower for ratting her out to herself! She plowed ahead nonetheless.

"He makes me really happy." She continued. Maybe if she said it enough times it would be true.

"I'm glad to hear that," Regina said cooly, seemingly unaffected by her words, which made Emma sad because she really wanted her to be affected. Just once. If Regina gave her a small indication of interest...any indication of interest...maybe... but she saw no point in searching for something that wasn't there. She needed to abandon ship. Find some way, any way to make the current conversation a little less awkward.

"Hey, I never finished telling you why I think you and Killian are alike," She said and nervously bit down on a fingernail.

Regina let out a frustrated groan. She was upset, no, she was livid! She and Emma were having a moment, or so she though, until Emma ruined it by bringing up her dirty pirate.

Regina took several deep breaths. She tried to calm herself, but anger was quickly overtaking her. She could feel it coursing through her veins and summoning forth her magic. For Regina, who had worked so hard to overcome her dark side, it was alarming and yet eerily empowering. She felt strong, and feeling strong was infinitely better than feeling weak as she listened to Emma compare her to her lewd, smelly, lying, good-for-nothing, sad excuse for a human, pirate boyfriend.

There was an immediate shift in the atmosphere as a heavy silence filled the air between them.  
However, the silence was short lived.

"Do you smell that?" Emma asked with concern. "It smells like something is burning." It was Storybrooke, after all. The smell of fire could be anything from a burned steak to Satan, literally Satan, coming from the deepest, darkest pit of hell, to seek revenge on Rumplestiltskin for killing his mother. With that in mind Emma stood up, prepared to spring into action. She sniffed the air in an attempt at identifying the smell. It seemed close but she couldn't quite place it. Coming up short, she looked to Regina for an answer to her unspoken question, and was met with terrified eyes.

"Emma you're on-"

"Fire! Holy hell! I'm on fire!" Emma exclaimed.

Leroy, who until this point had been quietly nursing a hangover, took the opportunity to whip the diner into a frenzy by yelling, "The Evil Queen set The Savior on fire!"

All hell broke loose as patrons began to run around like chickens without heads while yelling things like "not again" and "I knew she was trouble when she walked in." Regina rolled her eyes because of course she was getting blamed for this... Ok so she was to blame for this, but she didn't do it on purpose! Contrary to popular belief, she would never purposefully set Emma on fire.

"The Evil Queen strikes again!" Leroy screamed as patrons continued to scurry out of the establishment.

From her place on the floor, Emma, who had been on the last step of the stop, drop, and roll program, overheard Leroy's use of Regina's former title, and in the most threatening voice that she could muster while being on fire cried out, "Her name...is Regina!"

Regina didn't think it was possible, but in that moment she fell more in love with Emma then ever before, because Emma could be a real pain in the ass, but she was the bravest, most beautiful, most loyal, pain in the ass Regina had ever had the pleasure of knowing.

"Calm down sister," Leroy responded.

His gruff grating voice pulled Regina out of her reverie. She magicked a bucket of water from thin air and dumped it over Emma's body.

Granny, who had only caught the last few second of Emma's ordeal, bent down and placed a comforting hand on the blonde's shoulder.

"Are you okay," she asked, concern evident in her voice.

"Well, I'm not on fire anymore," she said and let out an awkward laugh.

Regina was relieved that she was no longer on fire, but she couldn't help but laugh because Emma, who often reminded Regina of a very loyal golden retriever, now looked like a very wet golden retriever. It was adorable.

Emma began to clumsily lift herself from the floor and Regina quickly came to her side, offering her hands for support. She accepted the offering and placed her hands in Regina's and for a few brief moments Regina swore she was in heaven. She pulled Emma up, only she wound up using more force then she intended and Emma came crashing into her, knocking them both onto the ground in a heap of tangled limbs with Emma landing on top of Regina, and Regina having to choose between being extremely mortified and extremely aroused. She could feel the heat rising from within her as the weight of Emma's body pressed against her own. Their faces were mere inches apart. She was close enough to touch, her lips close enough to taste. Regina had often imagined them like this. Their naked bodies moving together in perfect harmony. Her fingers exploring every inch of Emma's body, eliciting moans of pleasure, until she erupted into a passionate crescendo that would leave them both begging for more.

She tried to think of other things but found that she couldn't because Emma Swan was on top of her, her golden hair covering them like a curtain, protecting them from prying eyes. In that moment nothing else existed. Not Granny who had averted her gaze to allow them a moment of privacy. Not Grumpy who looked on with a mixture of horror and amusement, and certainly not Hook who had entered the diner in hopes of rescuing his girlfriend from the The Evil Queen's clutches.


	2. The One With the Drinking Buddies

_As always: I don't own Once Upon a Time. Fair warning: There is alot of Hook in this chapter. It almost entirely consists of him and Regina. The reason being, that my original vision for this chapter was to write a Swan Queen story from his perspective. It was going to be a one shot, but since I have a weird writing process, I wrote this and chapter one at the same time and they suddenly became one story. I do apologize for him overstaying his welcome (like he always does) but I hope you can still find a way to enjoy this chapter._

Killian Jones wasn't the smartest man, but he wasn't a complete idiot either. He was a pirate; a disabled one at that, and as such was often overlooked, so he was just as surprised as anyone when The Savior entered into a relationship with him, and even though much of their time was spent chasing down villains, they would occasionally manage to sneak away from the chaos that surrounded them and find a few moments of peace.

Killian lived for those moments; moments when they would curl up on her couch and watch moving pictures together, her head on his chest, his arm around her shoulder, but lately those moments were few and far between. Earlier in their relationship time would pass peacefully between them, with much laughter and joy. Now they counted the minutes of their days in anger and tense silence.

He didn't see it at first. The thing, or rather the person, that caused his beloved's eye to wander. He didn't see the soft touches and longing looks that would pass between them or the way Emma's face, normally stoic and filled with worry, would light up whenever Regina entered the room.

Initially, Killian didn't see any of these things, because he didn't want to. He preferred the comfort provided him by denial. It was easier to live the lie and play the doting boyfriend than to admit to himself that things weren't as they should be; that the woman he loved no longer loved him, if she ever did. However, once he confronted himself with the truth, and accepted it, he could no longer ignore what had been happening before his very eyes: The Savior was falling in love with The Evil Queen and there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop it.

"Another!" he cried out into the mostly empty diner.

"Are you sure you need another drink?" the waitress asked from behind the counter.

"You know waitress... what is your name?"

"Candace," she responded timidly.

"Ah yes, Waitress Candace! What we need and what we want are often two entirely different things, but in this particular case what I need and what I want are the same thing. Can you guess what that is?" he questioned in one long, stumbling breath.

"More alcohol?"

"BRILLIANT!" he exclaimed. "You, Waitress Candace, are bloody brilliant!" He ran his eyes across her body appreciatively and added, "You are also quite attractive."but shhhh," he said as he placed his finger over his lips, "You didn't hear that from me."

Granny, who had been cleaning various appliances, was beginning to get annoyed with the pirate that occupied the seat across from her.

"Candace you can have the rest of the night off. Go home and ," she said as she pointed angrily at Killian, "can stop harassing my waitresses. Candace is the best help I've had in a long time and I don't want to lose her on account of your stupidity."

"My sincerest apologies, m'lady. I only wanted more alcohol. I meant no harm."

"Of course you didn't," she mumbled and set about fetching more alcohol for her patron. Ruby used to do this. Ruby used to handle alot of the "customer service" aspects of the diner, but much like the girl she was during the curse, she longed for more, and eventually set about taking online classes with a nearby college. She would occasionally help out at the diner, but not for more than a few hours at a time. Her presence had been sorely missed and Granny had to cycle through a few waitresses before she found a good fit. She eventually stumbled upon Candace, and though she was a fast learner and hard worker, Granny couldn't help but miss having her grand daughter working beside her.

The bell above the diner door signaled a new arrival, and Granny could do nothing but roll her eyes, because the person that just walked in was Regina Mills, and with Killian being as inebriated as he was... well, Granny could already sense the beginnings of a shit storm.

"Your majesty," he greeted with a sneer. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Aside from the cesspool, known as the Rabbit Hole, this is the only other place in town that is still open. I'd ask what you're doing here, but judging by your bloodshot eyes, I'd say I already know. "

"Regina, always quick with a quip. Care to join me for a drink?"

"I suppose I have nothing better to do," she said and took the barstool beside him.

"What'll it be?" Granny asked with a sigh.

"I'll have a scotch on the rocks," Regina answered as she drummed her perfectly manicured nails on the countertop.

"Coming right up."

Granny began to make their drinks, but she wasn't too happy about it. Two former villains in her diner, with copious amounts of alcohol, potentially fighting over the same woman. This did not look good, but she wasn't about to turn down paying customers. All she could do was give them their drinks and send a prayer to whatever deity was listening.  
"Here you go," she said and handed them their drinks.

"Thank you," they said in unison. Well, at least they were being polite, though both parties looked ill at ease. Killian stared into his drink with a quizzical expression on his face, almost as if he expected it to provide him with the world's darkest secrets while Regina continued to anxiously drum her nails on the counter top and angrily glare at her watch as if it had betrayed her.

Seconds passed slowly and painfully before Killian cleared his throat, and effectively brought an end to the uncomfortable silence that had formed between them.

"I'd like to propose a toast," he said raising his glass. He gestured for Regina to raise hers as well and she obliged him.

"To the thing we love most," he said as his lips turned upward in a knowing smirk. He was done playing games. Done ignoring whatever was going on between Emma and Regina because playing the part of oblivious boyfriend was taking its toll on him. He had been trying to change for Emma but her relationship with Regina brought back some of his darker urges. For the last few months jealousy and anger were his default emotions. He tried to stuff them down but they refused to budge. They were always bubbling right beneath the surface, waiting for the right moment to erupt.

Regina stared at him in confusion. She loved Henry the most and Hook, well he loved Emma. Suddenly his intentions became very clear. He diddn't invite her to drink with him for her company. He knew about her feelings and was going to use this as an opportunity to confront her about them.

"I didn't know you cared so much about Henry," she said feigning ignorance. "It fills me with joy to know that his mother's boyfriend is so invested in his life."

Killian slammed his drink down in frustration. He could stand his beloved being in love with Regina. He could even stand Regina returning those feelings, but what he couldn't stand was being lied to about it, because maybe he was an idiot, but he was an idiot with eyes and those eyes allowed him to see things!

"I have eyes, you know!"

Regina, who clearly appreciated the sad state her drinking companion was in, began to clap slowly.

"I suppose congratulations are in order," she responded sarcastically.

"I do have eyes!" he shouted angrily as his fist came crashing onto the table.  
"I have eyes and I see through them and I see through you! I see the way you look at Swan," he said as his voice began to shake and tears began to form in his eyes. "You look at her like she is your sun... and moon... and stars... and mountains... and oceans and... clouds... and flowers... and trees... like she is everything beautiful in this world, because she is! I know that look because that is the same way I look at her, so if you are going to lovingly pine after my Swan please pay me the courtesy of admitting to it."

The room fell silent and the air became thick with lost love and unspoken wishes. Regina wanted to deny it. Wanted to deny the way her heart threatened to escape her chest whenever Emma was near. Wanted to deny the way her stomach clenched whenever she would so much as hear the blonde's name. She wanted to deny the future her mind had built for them; a future where there were no monsters or evil villains that threatened to hurt them. A future where her family: Henry and Emma, could live peacefully in a house near the ocean. She wanted to deny all of those things, but found that she couldn't.

"I-I do have feelings for Emma,"she admitted.

Relief washed over her and she let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. Regina had been keeping this secret for quite some time, and even though the person she confided in was less than ideal, it still felt good to get it off of her chest.

She looked over at the man beside her and watched as he buried his face in his hands. He looked utterly destroyed, as if the very breath had been taken from his lungs, and in that moment, despite their differences and possible similarities, she felt pity for him.

"How long?" he asked, his voice muffled by his hands.

"I'm not sure," she said letting out a laugh that was equals parts soft and bitter. "I think I've been in love with her for so long that its hard for me to remember a time when I wasn't." She sighed deeply then, because she hadn't planned on putting her emotions on display this evening, or any evening for that matter. However, now that she began this arduous process she felt the need to finish it.

"I know that at some point in my life I didn't want this," she continued. "I didn't want her, but despite my protests, she found a way into my heart and made her home there, so when I look at the past I'm only able to see it through the love I feel for her now."

Hook took his face out of his hands and offered the former queen a bittersweet smile.

"You are quite the poet, Your Majesty," he said with admiration. "I want to hate you. I truly do. I want to yell and scream at you. I want to ruin your life because every bone in my body is crying out for vengeance, but I can't bring myself to do it. How can I be angry at you for knowing what I've known since the day I met her? Emma Swan is a bloody treasure and you'd have to be a complete bloody fool not to see that. You and I," he said gesturing between them, "are not fools."

"Well I can't speak for you, but I am most certainly not a fool," she responded, humor evident in her tone.

Hook once again lifted his glass into the air.

"So, now that we've found some common ground, how about a toast?

Regina lifted her glass in agreement.

"To Emma Swan... the thing, or rather the person, we love most," he said somberly.

They clinked glasses and took large gulps of their drinks until there was nothing left. They ordered more alcohol and continued to drink late into the evening, until they lost track of how much alcohol they had consumed.

"Wow!" Regina exclaimed. "W-we finished our drinks rath...rather quickly."

"Aye, we did," agreed Killian.

"Maybe we should have more. Lets get shots! Granny, if you would be so -ind as to give us shots...we would appreciate it." Right then, she was hit with a memory. One of her favorites, and she was taken back to a time when she had been desperately grasping at the concept of fate and soul mates. She believed that Robin Hood was her last chance at happiness, and she had just sent him over the town line to be with his wife and child. Feeling dejected and alone she had taken to Granny's to indulge herself in some olympic style stress-eating. However, she was not alone for long because Emma came swooping in from seemingly nowhere, like she always did, and offered her shots and friendship. The memory made her smile like an idiot.

"Look at you," Killian said craning his neck to get a closer look at Regina. "You're smiling," he said pointing a finger centimeters away from her face. "The end must be near."

She attempted to throw a playful punch to his shoulder, but her coordination was not operating at its full potential, and she merely grazed it.

"Ooooo. The Evil Queen. I am terrif-"

He would have finished his statement, but even in her drunken state Regina had some how managed to conjure a fire ball.

"Hey! Put that away!" Granny yelled. "No fireballs in my diner!"

"Sorry,"Regina apologized and extinguished the fire that had been hovering above her hand.

"Now I'm letting you stay here and drink, but if I see any signs of hostility or fireballs," she said and looked at Regina accusingly. "I have my crossbow and I'm not shy about using it. Understand?"

They both nodded their heads like school children being admonished by their principal.

"Great! Here are your drinks," she said and handed them their shots. "Play nice."

"We are playing nice," Killian defended indignantly. "That was a friendly fireball. Haven't you heard of friendly fire?"

"Shhh,you're gonna get us kicked out," Regina warned.

"I'm sorry about Hook," she whispered to Granny conspiratorially. "He's drunk"

Granny rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"Its all right, just remember what I said. I like you, Regina, so it would really upset me to have to put an arrow through you."

"Aww thats so sweet," Regina said as tears welled in her eyes. "I like you too!"

Then she did something that surprised Granny. She walked around the counter, opened her arms, and threw them around the older woman's body in what can only be described as an awkward embrace.

"You're quite soft and comf-comf-tortable," Regina stuttered as she buried her head in the crook of Granny's neck.

Had it been anyone else Granny would have thrown them out on their ass. However, she found that she had a soft spot for the reformed Evil Queen. She had put her life on the line for the citizens of Storybrooke on several occasions and asked for nothing in return so Granny respected her. Aside from that, if the way Regina clung to her (like a barnacle to an old ship) was any indication, she really needed to be held. So Granny allowed it, and they stayed that way for quite some time.

"Ahem! Excuse me ladies. I am also a reformed villain," Killian said raising his his hand. "And I am also in need of a hug."

"I'll give you a hug!" Regina exclaimed as she untangled herself from Granny's embrace. She then walked over to Hook and slung her arms around him. He returned the hug and several moments passed before either of them said anything. It was quite a strange hug; especially for Regina. She was, by no means, a hugger. Yet here she was, in the middle of Granny's with her arms around Hook. She'd rather haver her arms around Emma. Her and Emma fit perfectly. Whenever they hugged their bodies molded and melted into one another as if they were designed to be that way. This was nothing like that. Emma was soft and comfortable. Hook was all angles and hard edges. Large and bulky. Scruffy and gross...

"This doesn't feel right!" Regina whined.

"Aye, it doesn't. Perhaps if we repositioned ourselves..." he suggested.

They disentangled themselves from one another and prepared for another hug.

"Pu-put your arm over here," Regina instructed.  
Hook did as he was told.

"and your other arm over here" she said pointing to where his other arm was to be positioned.

Hook some how missed the designated area, and his arm ended up lower than it should've. Regina was not altogether convinced that it was unintentional.

"No not there!" she admonished.

"My apologies, Your Majesty" he said, a blush coloring his cheeks.

"Over here," she said moving his arm.

Their arms were now around each other but they were still standing several feet apart.

"Should we get closer?You, know, for a prop-proper hug?"

"I suppose," Regina responded with an impatient sigh. This hug was already more trouble than it was worth.

They tentatively moved closer to one another until their bodies were flush. Regina stood stock still. Since she initiated this hug she felt that it was her responsibility to see it through till the end, no matter how disgusting. What was the appropriate amount of time for a hug anyway? Five seconds? Three? How could Emma bring herself to do this on a regular basis?

"This isn't so bad," Hook declared in wonder, although he never thought it would be bad. He was a man after all, and any proximity to a woman was good proximity. Yes he still had Emma and yes he still loved Emma, but that didn't mean that he couldn't appreciate the woman currently wrapped in his arms.

"If I could ignore the smell of Rum, body odor, and other odd smells coming from your jacket, I guess it wouldn't be."

"No need to be mean, love. I d-do-don't always smell like this. I've had a rough day. Besides, we are friends now and friends give each other insult free hugs," he said squeezing her tightly. Finally, after waiting what Regina felt was an appropriate amount of time, she wiggled out of the embrace.

"Need more alcohol," she mumbled and made her way back to the barstool she had previously occupied.

"Me too!" Hook exclaimed in pursuit. "I have an idea! We should take a shot for everything we like about Emma!"

Regina, paused to consider his offer.

"I can't see anything wrong with that plan."

 _Some time later..._

"I like Emma's hair, cause its long, like really long, and it curls sometimes, and its golden colored like the sun, and Hook!" she said trying to catch his attention. "Hook!" she screamed because his head had fallen onto the counter top.

"I've never watched pornography, but I'm quite sure that it is nothing compared to Emma's hair. It just does things to me... Her hair is my porn!" she exclaimed in one long, loud, stuttering breath.

"What is that? P-p-prngphy?" he inquired.

"Its when people do the... the..." she struggled to find the right words. Why were they so difficult to find? Finally they came to her. "They do the sex!" she exclaimed excitedly. "They do the sex on the camera's! You can find it on the interwebs or the the or magazines!"

"Why have I not seen this?" Hook asked sadly. If people were doing the sex and it was readily available for anyone to watch, he wanted to be able to see it. He did have eyes, after all, and eyes were made for seeing. His sex life was also on a downward spiral. He was always in the mood and Emma was almost never in the mood. Perhaps something like this could spice things up between them.

Regina merely shrugged her shoulders in response. How should she know? She never watched porn. She wasn't a voyeur. She didn't know where to find it, or how to find it. She just knew that it existed. At any rate, she didn't need porn. She had Emma to keep her entertained. Her perfect hair, and eyes, and incredibly toned arms. They were so muscular and defined... She would pay money just to watch Emma Swan lift things and toss them across across the room. Emma could lift her and toss her across the room, maybe press her against a wall...

"Alright, kiddos. I hate to crash your party, but its closing time," Granny said interrupting her thoughts. Regina was a bit disappointed. This particular fantasy seemed to be going somewhere.

Granny made a move to take Regina and Hook's shot glasses, but both parties moved them before she could.

"NO!" They said belligerently.

"Crossbow," she reminded them.

Regina handed her glass over. Normally, she wouldn't give in so easily, but she was drunk and in no way prepared to take on a crossbow wielding grandma.

"So how are you two getting home?" Granny questioned. "Cause you know you can't drive right now."

"I don't know how to drive," Hook said with sadness and resignation. David tried to teach him once, but he found it hard to steer and operate the foot pedals at the same time. He ended up crashing David's truck into a mailbox. David was more than displeased with him and forced him to get a job at the marina to pay for the damages. To Hook's chagrin, even before that incident occurred, Emma outright refused to let him go anywhere near the bug. She let Henry drive it. She even let Regina drive it, because of course her precious Regina could drive it, but her boyfriend? Nope. Not a chance.

"Should I call Emma?" Granny asked and pulled out her cellphone.

"NO!" they both screamed.

"I can't.. I can't... I don't want Emma to see me like this," Regina said tearfully. She had always tried to look her best. She was the kind of woman that wore heels and a skirt to a villain chase in the woods. She even made sure to look her best when she threw out the trash. There was no way in the world she was going to allow Emma to see her like this; eyes all bloodshot, cheeks all puffy-like. She had a reputation to uphold and a lady to impress.

"Me neither," Hook joined. "I don't want her to think I'm an alcoholic."

Granny had to laugh at that because 90% of his life was spent with a flask of rum in his hand. His morning drink was 3/4 rum 1/4 coffee. Who was he fooling?

"That ship sailed a long time time ago Killian" Granny said with a laugh. "but I guess, you could stay at the B&B."

Regina looked at her with grateful eyes."That would be lovely, Thank you."

Granny looked between Emma's suitors, a little afraid to deliver the next bit of news.

"There is a catch though. The Seven Dwarves recently had a falling out. They all moved out of that tiny apartment and each of them have been staying in their own room upstairs, so all of my rooms are occupied... except for one."

Silence descended upon the trio.

Regina and Killian looked at each other, their eyes searching the other's for an answer. Neither of them were too keen on sharing a bedroom. Sure they were friends now, but sharing a room seemed to cross a line of some sort. At the same time, neither of them wanted Emma see them in their inebriated state.

Several agonizing moments passed before they reached an agreement. They nodded their heads and addressed Granny.

"We'll take it!" They exclaimed.

Granny shook her head. There was no way this was going to end well. Sure the former villains were getting along, but they were drunk. People did all sorts of things when they were drunk like shoot crossbows at the Welcome to Storybrooke sign or wake up naked next to the bashful dwarf. Or was it the sleepy one? Not that Granny had done any of those things. At any rate she knew that both parties were going to regret their decision in the morning, and once they did, all hell would break loose. No, this wasn't going to end well but Granny wasn't one to mingle in the affairs of others, so she linked arms with both patrons (because they were doing a terrible job of walking on their own) and led them to their room. She then handed them their keys and quietly took her leave for the evening.

Regina and Hook surveyed their surroundings.

"Theres only one bed," Regina observed wryly. Sharing a room with Hook wasn't ideal. She could think of ten other people she'd rather share a room with. Actually she could only think of one person she'd want to share a room with: Emma, but even though sharing a room with Hook wasn't ideal, she could tolerate it. However, she could not tolerate sharing a bed with him. She pointed to a spot on the floor. "You're sleeping there, pirate."

Hook shook his head in disagreement.

"I don't think so Your Majesty. You see, I already have a bad back and laying on the hard ground would only ruin it further. Besides, we've already shared a bed in the past," he said and raised a suggestive eyebrow. " Why not do it again?"

Regina quickly turned on him, jabbing an angry finger at his chest. She thought they had a silent agreement not to talk about that. Yes they did have "relations" together, but it was in the Enchanted Forest and it only happened once, because even though she had been The Evil Queen, she had more sense than to continue a fling with him.

"Don't you ever bring that up" she said through gritted teeth "or I will personally see to it that you have two hooks for hands, instead of one."

Hook let out an amused laugh. It was always fun to push The Queen's buttons. She always maintained such tight control over her life and the lives of those around her, but if one were to look closely, one could easily find her weaknesses and exploit them. He learned this particular skill from Regina's mother, whom he "apprenticed" under.

"Ah Regina, you always were very... passionate," he began. "If I remember correctly, and I do, that trait carried over quite well to the bedroom."

He watched as Regina's eyes grew into wide saucers. She was very obviously fighting some sort of internal battle, most likely caught between being a "good guy" and talking through their issues or being a "bad guy" and burning him to a crisp. Her hands balled into tiny fists and shook with rage. Hook didn't know why but she was quite adorable when angry albeit very terrifying as well.

"Stop it!" she said threateningly.

Hook wanted to stop. He really did, but he was drunk and had a real knack for adventure that prevented him from doing so. When he was a child he would throw rocks at bee hives and wait for the bees to come flying out just so he could outrun them. Admittedly, this wasn't much different. He knew provoking Regina was dangerous but he couldn't resist the temptation.

"You know. I thought of something earlier." He said and took a long pause as if to consider his next words. "I like Emma..."he said pointing to himself with pride. "You like Emma..." he said pointing at Regina knowingly. "You're both very sexy, very passionate, woman..."

Regina raised an eyebrow threateningly because even in her drunken state, she was almost 100% sure she knew where this was going.

"What do you say we engage in a sexual triumvirate?" he asked. "A threesome, if you will." He then gave Regina the sexiest look he could muster. He was, after all, devilishly handsome. There was no way she would turn him down...except she did, not with words, but with two rather large fireballs. For a few brief seconds it appeared as though she were going to throw them at his face, however she re-directed the fireballs of doom and hurled them at the painting that hung above the bed. However, he did not get away scot-free. A fireball grazed the side of his head and he was now on fire. He screamed at the top of his lungs and flew into a panic, accidentally running into the door and letting out one final yelp before he came crashing onto the floor.

A small part of Regina wanted to leave him there until he was nothing more than a pile of ash. It would certainly make the funeral arrangements easier, however she wasn't that person anymore, so she did the right thing. She magicked a water bucket, the second in two days, and dumped it over Hooks body.

"Bloody hell, Regina!" He yelled. "I understand that what I asked for was a bit... presum...presum...Oh I can't say that word!" he said finally giving up "but I really do think it could be enjoyable for the three of us." He then gave the air a few hearty thrusts, as if to demonstrate his capabilities. "See, love? I could be doing this to you." He then fixed Regina with what he thought was a sexy smirk.

That was the last straw for Regina. She had actually been feeling remorse for her actions. She was even getting ready to apologize for them. Fireballs were an over reaction and a little too dramatic for what the occasion called for, but there Hook was, lying on the floor, obscenely thrusting at the air. Something in her snapped, and before she knew it she was on top of him; punching him and pulling out the little bit of hair he had left on his head. Had she been sober, her attacks would've been more effective, however she was not so she missed a rather large percentage of her punches and the ones she did land were very weak. She was so involved in this weak punching that she completely missed when Storybrooke's sheriff came barreling into the room, her deputy in tow.

"What the hell is going on here?" Emma boomed.

Regina immediately stopped what she was doing and stood up. This did not look good. Not even a little bit.

"I get a call for a domestic dispute and I walk in on this..." Emma said looking around the room. A wall was on fire and David was currently putting it out with a fire extinguisher.

"Swan. Its not what it looks like." Hook said pleadingly.

She let out a deep breath, because what the hell was her life? Just hours before she had been perfectly content with life. Now she was on the verge of having to arrest her boyfriend and best friend. Domestic dispute. Hook. Regina. Gross motel bedroom. Fire. Lots of fire. The pieces of this puzzle didn't fit.

"What exactly does this look like, because I for one, can't make any sense of it. So what the hell happened?" she demanded angrily.

Hook and Regina stayed silent. They both avoided Emma's eyes, choosing instead to look at the floor beneath them. Regina wished it would just swallow her whole. To say she was mortified was an understatement. Her behavior that evening was reprehensible. She should've stayed home and read a book, maybe done a little crocheting. Instead she chose to get drunk with the pirate and set things on fire.

There was a reason Regina never drank outside her own home. Drinking in public meant that she would encounter people, and Regina wasn't particularly fond of people. Pair that with her inclination towards being an angry drunk and you had a recipe for disaster.

She was so frustrated with herself. She had really messed things up. Things were going... somewhere with Emma. They were reaching a whole other level of friendship: having dinner together, laughing together, cuddling and watching movies together, and somehow, within the span of two short days, she managed to ruin all of that. Regina wanted to tell Emma everything, but she didn't know how and when she tried all that came out was an apology so quiet even she had trouble hearing it.

Emma inclined her head so that her eyes met Regina's. Normally Regina would gaze deeply into them. She would revel in their beauty, but now she had to keep her eyes from straying away in shame.

"Please," Emma pleaded softly. " Tell me what happened."

Regina shook her head. She couldn't tell Emma what happened. Couldn't tell her that she wreaked all this havoc because she couldn't get a hold of her emotions. Couldn't tell Emma that she was essentially the reason for all this. That she and Hook had been engaging in a silent war for months because they were both in love with the same woman and that it had all finally come to a head.

Emma looked over at her boyfriend, who was now a mess of drenched leather and tiny bruises.  
For the first time since entering she noticed his almost complete lack of hair. All that was left of it was a tiny patch on the top left quadrant of his head.

"Any words Hook?" she asked sternly.

"Aye." he responded. "I love you."

Emma buried her face in her hands. She had so many emotions warring within her. As sheriff in a small town with magic she was accustomed to walking in on some terrible situations. Ogre attacks, dragon sex in the park, and so much more. If you could name it, Emma had probably dealt with it. She could detach from those situations and approach them objectively, but this was different. She was right in the middle of this chaotic mess and the same words kept rolling around in her head: Domestic dispute, Hook, Regina,Bedroom, Fire. None of it made sense, but she knew she had to act. With tears in her eyes and an ache in her chest she said something she never thought she would have to say to her boyfriend and her best friend.

"I'm sorry, but your both under arrest."

* * *

I am so sorry. Please don't kill me. I beg for mercy. Don't worry SWEN. It gets worse before it gets better and I promise you: it will get better.


End file.
